Again the dilemma of the blank page!
I hate this feeling ...
The sun is shining for two days as it was not long ago. The winter seems to have quickly to remove the curtains, a new beginning ... and I find myself here in my room, alone. As I was going for a long time ...
But not because he has had, of time! What if you want, you can always find. Simply I have not felt like writing! I shut myself in myself, looking inside I could not find words, thoughts or feelings ... only darkness. And the desert. And silence ... For a period I also managed to lock the sadness, I have circumvented my torments, I ignored my solitude ... I went ahead! I lowered my head and I went ahead. I tried to fix things, to make his mother happy, to make them proud of me: I am going to give her my "piece of paper."
And now that I'm so close ... I
nothing! I do not think anyone would find my true sense point of view on this subject ...
(Okay, I know too that "imprison" the memories can be useful at times! Teasing helps to imagine oneself a less oppressive reality. A constructed reality, artificial. But then what are you really ever comes out! Exit out of your essence, your way of being, in short, the real Giuseppe!)
As I like to write ... When I write I find myself same: these are the only moments when I can "talk" with me really. The moments when, looking in, not I looked tarnished: I can see perfectly. Although on paper does not carry all that "see."
But there's no need! This is a blog, the speaker is not a fictional character in which to say what you want. It is I who speak, I can not tell everything. No one should have to the end: I think just do it ...
I was in the closet to smoke a cigarette: cock, your day is wonderful! If I were still in school, I saw that for sure!
(Because I did the work?)
(???)
I have to prepare the final hearing. The last one, damn it! And then I'm free. Free from this "Chain". At least this
... (I could also "get rid" of me would be ... ... ...!)
But what you can not unfortunately. Not that you can not! It is always a victim of my excesses, of my ambitions ... To the point of no return. Until my last breath ... damn And if the curtain will fall, and there will be an audience to applaud, it will mean that I have lived for nothing! It will mean that I was one of many: a Panu any
... Just write. I want to go out now, I want to walk. Today I feel the need to breathe the air of life, I would walk and walk and walk. Like when I was in Tuscany. The first time I went there. That was the last happy time in my life ... And now that it's been over a year, I'm "purgatory" I'm sick and if they are filled with boxes ... Shit!
I bought a new dress for the party. Friends are already there waiting for me: it will be a wonderful celebration! We will make merry until late at night and we will never have the desire to return home ... Never!
I just have to be ready. The beginning of the festival may not be so far away!
So look! Look it starts, I come to take ...
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